I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
