i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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