Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
How does one acquire holy water?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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