You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
