YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
