Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
