Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
