help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
