Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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