I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
