we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
