how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
