got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
