I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
