Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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