no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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