first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
