I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
