I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
