My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
