alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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