I hate all girls vehemently.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
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No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
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I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm too high and old for this...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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