4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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