it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
