Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
