At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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