Me too!
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
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I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
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I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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