Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
