My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
