remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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