Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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