I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
