So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
