i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
