I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
