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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
