How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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