why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
