Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
