i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
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Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
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sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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