I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Brb crying the tears of my youth
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
