Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize