tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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