I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
