I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
