Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
you had me at cake vodka
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
