he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
