Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
