I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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