Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My hand turned me down
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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