i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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