Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
