Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize