Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
