Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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