Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
