Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
soo... how was my night?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
