You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
