i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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