Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Randomize
