I wannas sexs uuuuu
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
