singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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