dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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