Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
