I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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