If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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