Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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