saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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