We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
